Find the Write Mind

I’ve been having another attack of the ‘just quit writing’ bug.

At the moment I’m working my normal forty hour job plus I’ve added twenty hours of a graduate school internship. That means three days per week (Tues, Thurs, Fri) I’m totally fourteen hour days. Monday nights I have an hour and a half online class. Saturdays I have a six-hour shift for the internship.

I also have other interests and commitments…my marriage being one of the biggies!

So how do I keep up with the writing?

Well, I think the best thing about writing is that it can be done with an segment of time. Whether it’s fifteen minutes bits here and there or four hour lengths I can put something down on the page if I just keep that as a priority.

My main goal is to keep from getting discouraged.

Here is my three step action plan for the moment:

1. Commit thirty minutes each morning to write.
2. Post once a week here.
3. Reread The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield

Hopefully that’ll keep me writing!

- Kirk

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There are times when life just gets in the way. It could be a major illness, a sudden move, or making too many commitments. Whatever the case, one day you realize it’s been days since you put words to paper…and that’s when the discouragement kicks into overdrive.

When I fall off my schedule, there’s always the thought that maybe I should stay off schedule and find another way to use my time. The answer I’ve found is extremely simple.

I just pick up where I left off.

I’ve recently had one of those pauses in writing, mainly due to being swamped with class assignments. But tomorrow is the last day of this course and everything will be turned in. So Sunday I’ll get back into my routine, allotting time each morning to my writing.

It’ll just be a matter of sitting down with the thought, ‘Now, where was I…?’

- Kirk

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I’ve been using this little tip when I get stuck.

Often I have characters and a situation but I get lost in the middle, wondering where I’m going. The plot threads unravel and the infinite number of possibilities is overwhelming.

So I’ve found it useful to jump ahead to the desired outcome. I tend to have beginning and end pieces in my head when I write so it’s great to set out where I know the characters are going to finish. Then I can work backward, asking myself, “Ok, they’ve just managed to blow up the base and save the day. How did they blow up the base? How did they get to the base?”

Just those two bits alone can propel me back onto the story’s path and push me past the resistance. Maybe it can help you too.

- Kirk

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I get distracted. Way too easily. Sometimes it just takes a little…hey, I didn’t know I had that book on my shelf!

That’s exactly what I mean. There are two primary forms of distraction for me.

The first are externals. Sleep, work, school, fun, or hobbies can cut into the bit of time I’ve set aside. It’s important to keep my priorities in mind and maintain focus.

Focus is also needed when the second distraction hits - another writing topic. Actually being consistent seems to stoke the creative muse, but my muse can definitely have multiple-personality disorder. I’m humming along nicely and all of a sudden it’s “Hey, what about this book idea!? That movie plot you had last year about quantum physics gerbils was great! There’s that snippet of a blues song you scribbled on a 3 x 5 card - finish that instead!”

The response is easy. Just stick to my goal, chipping away a bit every morning. Focus on the writing and edit out the distractions.

- Kirk

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Certainly way too long since my last post, but I do have two reasons.

The not-so-good reason is that I’m in grad school and am in the middle of an online class. So now I work full time, read for class, post on discussion boards, work on assignments, maintain the other commitments I already have, etc. So when am I going to have time to jot down a blog entry?

Anytime, really. I still have time each week to scribble a little something about the writing life. As I often have to remind myself, no excuses.

The best reason I have for not posting…(drumroll)…I’ve been writing! This year I’ve been fairly successful in being committed to writing every morning before anything else (not counting getting a cup of coffee). In doing so I’ve let the blog slip a bit. But again, I do have the time so I’m going to squeeze it all in.

That said, here’s my tip to pass along: Recommit often. I’m going to try to pause before each week to review my schedule and recommit to my writing. Ah, the power of choice!

- Kirk

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Yes, I concede, the title is a bit misleading. I am not saying that my writing is wonderful, leaping from fingers to keyboard with ease, dazzling its way onto the screen, ready for a swarm of agents to fight over such a prized piece of perfection.

I am saying that sometimes I cannot write anything at all because I fear it’ll be terrible. And writing that sucks is better than no writing at all.

I am not exactly sure of the source of my dread nor how to overcome it fully but I will make a few guesses and pose some actions.

My upbringing was definitely a training in predictability, like a programmer’s ‘if-then’ statement. Go to school, stay out of trouble, believe in God and I will have a well-paying job I like, a good marriage and a belief in God. Writing in no way whatsoever fits into this paradigm. There has not yet been a day when the result of the time I put into writing for a day was what I had planned in my mind when I first sat down. It’s more like jumping off a cliff and planning to grasp a branch on the way down, or what looks like a branch from up here. Some days it’s just the fall.

Delayed gratification is not at the top of my favorites list. I like now - getting things now, having my results now, being in the now. So for days on end I pile together strings of words, phrases which seem to barely pass as the English language, unable to receive the reward of praise, publication or pay. And being a beginner in the field, those results may be years off…if ever.

It’s embarrassing to admit that my mental critic succeeds in berating me all to often. The two conditions mentioned above provide the perfect groundwork for the attack, the malicious suggestion that I should ‘give up’ and move back to goals that have predictable, very short paths to them.

What do I do now?

I need to put in the time on a regular basis. For example, this morning’s span was spent, for the most part, staring at my computer screen and turning certain story components over and over in my mind, only producing half a page before it was time to head to work. Even so, the thought pattern and conclusion I came to regarding one character’s role is extremely valuable. So for me the time is important, regardless of word count.

I also need community. I need voices that encourage me to write. I need fellow artists who share their own creative journey. I need to hear other stories of struggle, failure and success. I need those people and their presence to overwhelm the critic within. So I am currently in the process of inviting select people into my process (this is one of those ways) and also investigating other avenues to connect with other writers.

My hope is that I will write and that my writing will suck. And that will be okay, because we all know there’s still editing to do.

~ Kirk

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I hate making New Year’s resolutions.

I don’t do it anymore. There are two reasons that I ceased that practice. One is simply that January is an arbitrary marker of time and I’ve found that my birthday, when I have another full year’s worth of days under my belt, is a better occasion for personal reflection. The other is that I was never able to stick to my resolutions.

Every year I would go through a list of character defects I’d want to overcome, projects that I would like to finish, people with whom I’d like to connect…and screenplays or novels I’d like to write. And every year, somewhere around March if I was lucky, the realization would hit that I was off course, missing the mark, and I would throw my hands up in surrender and slide back into the well worn behavioral tracks previously known.

This is still a pattern I experience, even when using my birthday as a start date. When I was reflecting on writing this post, I realized I could share two insights on why I fail. Use them as you will.

1. Unrealistic Goals: Often my resolutions emerge as grand, life-changing plans which are way beyond anything I should expect. It may be more reasonable to not expect goal completion within the next year, which means I need to break it down so that I don’t have to wait for five years before seeing results. Also, there are goals that have aspects over which I have no control. For example, if I finish a screenplay, setting a goal of “selling” it may be impossible, as I have little control over the person on the other end of that process who makes that choice. A better goal may revolve around number of submissions per month and my work on the next project. I need to create goals that I can achieve within the time frame I give myself.

2. Vague Goals: How often have I thrown out “write a novel” as a resolution? Embarrassing! Even though that may be a great goal and a possible goal, the fact that I have no plan for achieving that goal sinks me every time. The answer here is to sit down and figure out the steps involved that would bring the goal to completion. For a novel it may mean having a daily word count or page goal. It may be just allotting a set amount of time on certain days of the week for writing. The process of defining a plan may actually change the goal. If my plan is to write one hour every morning five days a week, it may be better to set my plan as my goal since I don’t know how much work I will actually finish by the end of the year.

There is one very important realization I need to keep in mind. It’s not very valuable to put all kinds of importance and weight on a particular day of the year, whether it’s New Year’s or my birthday. What is important is that each day I choose to use my time to align with the priorities in my life.

As the Twelve Step programs say, “One day at a time”. That way, when I blow it (as I surely will), I don’t have to throw in the towel. I have the next day to pick up where I left off.

Happy New Year everyone!

~ Kirk

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‘Tis the season and all that…

I was thinking about the flurry of gift-giving that goes on at this time of year and also of the spiritual themes of receiving gifts. In that vein, I thought I’d list a few gifts for which I am grateful.

- Novelists, screenwriters, television writers…any and all writers who have entertained and enlightened me throughout my life.

- Those same mediums (books, film, television) that carry on the tradition of telling stories.

- The ability to create from nothing, to form characters and plot lines, to transfer these into a written language in order to convey them to others.

- People who strive in the creative realms.

- A life that provides experiences and inspiration that is worth sharing.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

~ Kirk

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I’m an emotional guy. There, I said it, the secret is out. Let the macho of the world descend on me in their white hot fury of denial, as I am the mirror showing them their own souls, destroying that which they do not comprehend.

Actually, all people are emotional, it is just a question of degree, awareness and availability. In my case, I’m not one to fall apart in a crisis or crumble when bad news is delivered. I don’t tend to sob uncontrollably when upset or jump up and down when excited, though I have done both on occasion.

On the other hand, I am fairly aware of my emotional states. There was a time when I was always ‘tired’, my catch-all for any negative emotion and still an instinctual favorite. However, I have grown over the years and can now tease that tired feeling into various components - frustration, fear, despair, hopelessness, anger, worry, envy…and the list goes on. It’s like using a prism to break white light into all those amazing colors.

This is useful in my writing due to the fact that all those negative emotions get in the way of my sitting down and writing. In the past, thinking I was ‘tired’ meant I just needed to rest, possibly sleep, and then I’d be ready to get to it. But I hardly did, because my diagnosis was not correct so the treatment did not work. Now I’ve been working on identifying each feeling specifically and taking action to address it and move on.

Today it’s a combo of despair and self-criticism. It has been awhile since I posted an entry here and, as a result, the feelings are brought on by that downer inner critic voice, telling me to just give it up.

My response is to acknowledge it for what it is, that it is not valid, and to post. To write.

I was also thinking that Hemingway would probably hate this blog, all this fuzzy feeling talk. He’d tell me that you just grab your bottle of scotch, sit down and write. I do have to admit, the drinks did solve the emotion issue…but only for awhile.

So I’m fighting Hemingway today, talking about my feelings, sharing with others, and drinking Good Earth tea (I think that’s the most embarrassing part of this post).

And I’m writing.

~ Kirk

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I’m worn. I have home projects to complete, work is a tad bit stressful, the new puppy throws off my routine, and we have three functions Saturday to attend. I find myself wishing for a week with nothing to do at all.

Here’s where I could say I would love a week where I could just write, with nothing else going on. Since it wouldn’t be true I’ll be honest and say I’d most likely dread the pressure of actually having huge chunks of time to write. That, however, is for another day.

Right now I feel like giving up, calling it quits, throwing in the towel. And why? Not because I have a huge structural problem with the story. Not due to a life situation that is consuming any and all free time. Not even from a fading of interest.

It’s solely a result of the inner defeatist, the voice in my head that is the opposite of the encourager for whom I long. When I look at my story notes, I see the basic plot line, the characters, and whole scenes waiting to be incorporated into the whole. Then I hear the voice start telling me that there is no way I’m going to be able to assemble that mess, to construct a decent, coherent story out of it.

Simply, it says, “That’s not going to work out.” I’ve heard it often.

So here’s my response to that petty villain lurking in my subconscious. First, I expose him here for what he is, a voice from my past that might not have had the life he wanted and vented those feelings onto others. Second, I recognize that I am tired. Twelve Step groups have the acronym H.A.L.T., which means to proceed with caution anytime I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Finally, I will keep moving forward. It does not matter if I can’t see the whole story as assembled right now. I just need to take the next step.

I’m going to bed.

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